i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
