Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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