i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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