I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
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let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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