We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
