The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
