there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
