Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
