Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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