FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
