Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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