Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
