just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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