If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
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i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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