theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
