Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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