I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
