Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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