Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
