he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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