I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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