i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
