My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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