Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
