Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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