I can tuck mytits in my pants
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
