Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
