dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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