Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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