none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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