You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
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Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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