Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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