no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
