Me too!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
