Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
