Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
