i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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