I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
