Whoa Z and x make the same sound
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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