i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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