He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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