who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
