I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
