did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
