Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
