apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
