Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
