Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
