i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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