the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize