Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
