Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
