I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
