How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
