I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
