she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I need moral support for this bender
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is Oprah even human
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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