They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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