Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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