apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Randomize
