I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
