a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
