Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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