Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
