i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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