i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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