In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Duck Duck Cougar?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
