Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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