You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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