true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize