My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
